These chairs are too floppy! - CJ

It's also in black and white - a bit retro... - CJ (on the New York Post)

A back rub, did you say? - CJ (to Lackey)

I suppose we are quite implausible - CJ (on why we'd get pulled over by the police on the roadtrip)

Cato's in the... water thing... - Creed Malay (forgetting the word 'shower')

Something about America makes me constantly hungry - Creed Malay

It's really disrespectful to old whatshisface, isn't it? - CJ (about the flightpath over the memorial on Theodore Roosevelt Island in Washington, D.C.)

Oh, I cut that guy off... Now we're all sons of bitches - Lackey (while driving)

In five minutes, order food - CJ (imitating the car's GPS on arrival at Denny's)

Can I take your cherry, Chris? - Creed Malay

We should've gone to Boston and seen the Boston Tea Party - CJ

Creed Malay: I took his cherry
Waitress: don't fight with the swords

CJ (to a distressed Lackey, through a toilet door): you okay?
Lackey: *thhhp*
Everyone: *Hilarity*

I'm writing stuff down because I've got a terrible... ... Memory - Lackey

CJ: I suggest charging it
Lackey: you suggest child shit?!

The problem with choices if you've got to make a choice - CJ

Middle seat, bitch! - Creed Malay (shoving AGA into the car after he'd refused to stalled us for an hour, refused to wake up. by refusing to get out of bed because he was in some kind of diabetic trance)

Lackey: are there going to be dolphins?
Essen: are we going to be dolphins?!
Esseb: that's my American dream

I thought you'd stick your fag in the hole - CJ (confused about how cigarette lighters in cars worked)

You can't make a hammer out of a sheep, that's what my mother used to say. If you have a big enough handle, you can make a hammer out of anything, that's what my father used to say. - Lackey (reminiscing)

Don't make me unleash myself on you - CJ

Bastards are often cunning - Lackey

AGA: would you like some of my chocolate, Chris?
CJ: I get a helping of your chocolate every night, Berian.
AGA: ...ew.

As long as we don't talk to any black guys... We'll be fine - CJ

A lesbian relationship with fame? - Davy (mishears "love/hate" relationship)

I say "eh" a lot, don't I? - Lackey (realising he really is Canadian)

Flashback is brought to you by the Bolivian Egg Board - they're not just chicken fœtuses anymore - radio

Mills has a kind of pun based tourettes - Creed Malay

Creed Malay: man, there's bullet holes in that sign
Esseb (running off for a closer look): ooh, bullet holes!

Well we are in America; a business closing down is like an angel losing its wings - CJ

Shut the fuck up! - Creed Malay (getting irritated with Maureen, the car's GPS)

I want to un-eat this thing - Esseb (dissatisfied with a Hardee's chicken & bacon sandwich)

When was Bono ever a man? - CJ

Oh wow, Catholics! - Lackey (excitedly)

What? My phone doesn't have "Bummed" in the dictionary! - CJ

CJ: how do you know it was a gay bar?
AGA: because everyone was gay there
CJ: that means nothing!

They should attach motors to Florida and make it more or less erect, depending on the national excitement - CJ [Supplemental diagram not supplied, for reasons of decency]

Random Guy: where are y'all from?
Us: England.
Random Guy: ... is that, like, in Europe?

CJ: it's like how continental is bad, and trans continental is good
AGA: why is continental bad?
CJ: well, it's because continental represents France

Give me the book!! - CJ (almost coming to blows over further distractions from our route)


At the Crooked Billet place - CJ (misremembering "Cracker Barrel")

I'm from Scotland. Twoo woot woo woo - CJ

He's Edward Frigging Whatever Hands - Quintaros

Darth Mandarb: I have the musical talent of a fish!
DragonRose: at least you can do scales!
- a memory from the forums

I'm going to throw myself over a clit! - Quintaros

Oh, that is Tight Ass 2000, wooo! - Grundislav

Becky (on eating healthily at AGS meets): well I plan for it, but I end up eating shit all week
MrColossal: you eat shit?
Quintaros: it's mostly blood, you know.

Adam sleeps with his butt open - Quintaros

Pennsylvania is all about Dracula, isn't it? - CJ

AGA: did you not have parents, Chris?
Grundislav: he did, but they were squirrels. That explains the hair

Wow! That is a perfect penis opportunity - Grundislav

Are we going out tonight? Because if not, I'm gonna get wasted - CJ

Creed Malay: I told them I was gay to get them to leave me alone
AGA: I just shook my head and she went away
- Creed explains how he got the girls to leave him alone at the strip club

It felt kind of weird there, like the wind went out my backside - Dark Stalkey

So are we supposed to stare like we find them attractive? - CJ (in a strip club)

Did you ever wank in his milk? - CJ

I don't think Galileo shot anyone in the head though - Lackey

How does he get through life? - Grundislav (regarding CJ)

That's not a real animal either! - CJ (at the zoo)

Grundislav: when I went to the nude beach I found something about my friend
MillsJROSS: that we're a lot like LEGOs

Ver-sack House - CJ (has apparently never heard of Versace, or how it's pronounced)

Is it really that odd to be on all fours in bed? - Disco

Are you happy being topless? - CJ (to Grundislav prior to a filming session)

MrColossal: can we go to your funeral, CJ?
CJ: the only way you're coming to my funeral is if you kill me right now - CJ (putting away utensils)
MrColossal: okay, come here and bring me one of those knives
CJ: haha, haha...
MrColossal: no, really, bring a knife over here

Swim with dolphins? That's a bit rubbish... I'm not a woman! - CJ

Well, he was a bit of a tit, wasn't he? - CJ (on Winston Churchill)

Becky and Finkenstein: we couldn't find any American flags anywhere, not Walgreens, not Publix, nowhere!
MillsJROSS: yeah, but this is Florida, 9/11 didn't happen here

Why weren't you telling me you were burning things? - Creed Malay

Lackey: what are you doing?
becky: lighting fireworks
Lackey: those aren't fireworks, those are poo

I've got the head, now you go get the snakes and the glue - Grundislav

To coin a phrase: putting lipstick on the Queen - Dark Stalkey

Soon she will be a flaming Queen! - Dark Stalkey

I would make love to her in an instant - Finkenstein (about the styrofoam Queen's head)

You gave the Queen a pearl necklace? - AGA (to Grundislav)

Everyone: and the home of the free
Dark Stalkey: did you say the home of the Brie?

What the fuck is wrong with you, your majesty? - Creed Malay

Miez: you broke the penis!
Pesty: story of my life

Stop filling my camera with pictures of Berian! - CJ

The First Amendment is "thou shalt not drink alcohol until thoust is 21" - CJ

That's the second time I've had a penis on that arm - AGA

I have the right to a full and happy sex life! - Disco

The beams are now my entire Universe - Grundislav (drunkenly admiring the ceiling)

Becky: an erotic zoo?
MrColossal: it's a heavy petting zoo.

Have you still got shit on your hat? - Dark Stalkey (to Becky)

I'm sorry, America! - Esseb (unable to finish a turkey sandwich at the diner)

CJ: where have you come from, Berian?
AGA: well, I'm wet from head to foot, where do you think I've been?

Jess gave me a pearl necklace - AGA

Lackey: don't come in please, I'm changing
CJ: into what?
Lackey: pyjamas
CJ: oh... I was hoping you'd say something cool, like a spider

*Becky hands AGA a packet of liquorice whips*
CJ: what are those? Turkey Twizzlers?
AGA (with infinite weariness and distain): yeah sure, why not, Chris

Creed Malay: do you have ducks in America?
Pesty: of course we have ducks!
Creed Malay: well, I haven't seen any!

Big kiss, big kiss! ...On the cheek - drunk lady in bar, to Creed

You can respect someone, but still be indecent to them - CJ

If you had a candle it could conceivably become a jetpack - CJ