Mark is pissed already - a text AGA received from Layabout at 3PM on the first day of Mittens
We're in a school, for God's sake! - CJ realises just how lost we are on the way to the Mittens chateau
Ah, you've got my blue ball - scotch, to CJ
After we're done in the love grove, we can go to the mutual affection orchard - Grundislav plays off Mods' surname "Lovegrove"
AGA: I see a penis
MillsJROSS: that's nothing, I see them everywhere
AGA sees a funny shape in a rock in Le Grotto, MillsJROSS shows his perversion
I can actually visualise 6 million, because I'm brilliant - scotch
I'm sure in 100 years they'll have replaced it with Funschwitz - CJ imagines what Auschwitz will become because we don't teach our kids about the true horrors of history
There are worse ways to wake up than being humped by a Spaniard - Creed
Isn't Vagina an American name? - CJ can't tell the difference between 'Virginia' and a part of the female anatomy
Jess: are all body parts given names in Latin?
Grundislav: what do you mean?
Jess: like vas deferens
Grundislav: there's a vas deferens between you and I, my friend
Jess: ha ha ha ha ha ha... Cock!
Creed: the pony is all sticky!
miez: what did you do to it?
Creed: I did not befoul the pony!
Sacre bleuaaaarrrrgh - CJ
Ryan saved my life from bubbly horror - Grundislav
They were extended, but those were the worst erections I've ever seen - Quintaros
Ah! No! Bad wasp! See? I chastised it and it left! - CJ deals with a naughty wasp
Do you remember Arse in Benidorm? - Layabout
He's like a dog in that he humps you - scotch on Nacho
: why does garlic work with vampires?
: I dunno
: why does arsenic work with humans?
Layabout: you can find the magazine "Nuts" in France, but it's called "Guts"
CJ: I wouldn't want to see guts in a magazine
The Ivy: would you like to see nuts?
I'd sleep with Jess and Eric - scotch
Actually, my little brother's boyfrie-- my little brother's friend - Kira
If you touch my breasts, I kill you - Kira, while drunk
I don't wish you to die, I barely know you yet - scotch, to Kira
Creed: my nipple hurts
Creed: a bee stung me on my nipple
Did you just compare Martin Luther King and 50 Cent to Barack Obama? - The Ivy, to JetXL
Disco: I've always wanted to skydive. And it's also one of my life goals to get hypothermia at some point
Quintaros: why don't you skydive naked? That way you can kill two birds with one stone
MrColossal: you might even kill a bird
You accidentally become a serial killer - custard describes his game
CJ: do you need just my passport, or everybody's
Customs Guy: nah, I'll just take yours, shall I?
CJ: ...ask a stupid question...
CJ goes through border control at the Eurostar
You just need this hat then you're from The Godfather - Kira, to MillsJROSS
You just dream about hairless vaginas - Kira
You're just a kobold - Kira
That's what she said - pretty much everyone at some point
...in the butt - MillJROSS, as punchline to 90% of his jokes