Mark is pissed already - a text AGA received from Layabout at 3PM on the first day of Mittens

We're in a school, for God's sake! - CJ realises just how lost we are on the way to the Mittens chateau

Ah, you've got my blue ball - scotch, to CJ

After we're done in the love grove, we can go to the mutual affection orchard - Grundislav plays off Mods' surname "Lovegrove"

AGA: I see a penis
MillsJROSS: that's nothing, I see them everywhere
AGA sees a funny shape in a rock in Le Grotto, MillsJROSS shows his perversion

I can actually visualise 6 million, because I'm brilliant - scotch

I'm sure in 100 years they'll have replaced it with Funschwitz - CJ imagines what Auschwitz will become because we don't teach our kids about the true horrors of history

There are worse ways to wake up than being humped by a Spaniard - Creed

Isn't Vagina an American name? - CJ can't tell the difference between 'Virginia' and a part of the female anatomy

Jess: are all body parts given names in Latin?
Grundislav: what do you mean?
Jess: like vas deferens
Grundislav: there's a vas deferens between you and I, my friend
Jess: ha ha ha ha ha ha... Cock!

Creed: the pony is all sticky!
miez: what did you do to it?
Creed: I did not befoul the pony!

Sacre bleuaaaarrrrgh - CJ

Ryan saved my life from bubbly horror - Grundislav

They were extended, but those were the worst erections I've ever seen - Quintaros

Ah! No! Bad wasp! See? I chastised it and it left! - CJ deals with a naughty wasp

Do you remember Arse in Benidorm? - Layabout

He's like a dog in that he humps you - scotch on Nacho

: why does garlic work with vampires?
: I dunno
: why does arsenic work with humans?

Layabout: you can find the magazine "Nuts" in France, but it's called "Guts"
CJ: I wouldn't want to see guts in a magazine
The Ivy: would you like to see nuts?

I'd sleep with Jess and Eric - scotch

Actually, my little brother's boyfrie-- my little brother's friend - Kira

If you touch my breasts, I kill you - Kira, while drunk

I don't wish you to die, I barely know you yet - scotch, to Kira

Creed: my nipple hurts
Layabout: why?
Creed: a bee stung me on my nipple

Did you just compare Martin Luther King and 50 Cent to Barack Obama? - The Ivy, to JetXL

Disco: I've always wanted to skydive. And it's also one of my life goals to get hypothermia at some point
Quintaros: why don't you skydive naked? That way you can kill two birds with one stone
MrColossal: you might even kill a bird

You accidentally become a serial killer - custard describes his game

CJ: do you need just my passport, or everybody's
Customs Guy: nah, I'll just take yours, shall I?
CJ: ...ask a stupid question...
CJ goes through border control at the Eurostar

You just need this hat then you're from The Godfather - Kira, to MillsJROSS

You just dream about hairless vaginas - Kira

You're just a kobold - Kira

That's what she said - pretty much everyone at some point

...in the butt - MillJROSS, as punchline to 90% of his jokes