Tits - Annie

A cockfile?! - Annie, drunk, mishearing 'quotefile'

What's the difference between Texas and Mexico? - CJ

Texaco and Mexico - CJ

I better shower before I get into your mother's bed - Disco

Gee, whupish - CJ trying, and failing, to make a whip sound

Then what the hell was that brown stuff down my t-shirt? - Spleen wondering exactly what was in the drain he fell into

White bread is just a myth - Annie

If I get raped whilst I'm asleep, it's none of my business - Disco

It's very funny, there's people raping men with scissors - Annie

Urgh, I think I'm gonna throw up - Annie after 3 glasses of wine

We named the moon after moon dust - Disco

Roman gods are named after the planets - Disco

It's a spy cigarette - Creed Malay

Can you actually get a moon tan? It's just sunlight bouncing off a planet - Spleen

Videotaping this crime spree is the best idea we ever had - scotch

All possibilities are possible - CJ

You can die?! - CJ, mishearing 'you can jive' in ABBA's 'Dancing Queen'

For years I thought my mum was the girl from Bewitched - Spleen

The average male is 50 bucks?! - CJ, mishearing 'average meal'

If you piss on a ghost, you gotta kill it - Spleen

I think he prefers it up the arse - CJ

For an American, and, no offence, a Jew - Spleen on Dave Gilbert's drinking 'prowess'

The cool gay kids are drinking Cockfosters - Dave Gilbert

He's the one we get to abuse - Spleen on Jake

All you kids try to act cool, like you don't like S Club - CJ

I've managed to wingle... Wingle?
No, I prefered wingle - Spleen and Creed Malay

Madame Tussauds is just looking at candles - Spleen

It looks like some tart shat on a canvas - Disco imitating how Spleen would behave in an art gallery

I had to hump myself to level out the noise - CJ

"I'm sitting on a pouffe", that's the best thing I've ever heard. - CJ

Heathrow Terminal 4 got so bad, that by the end I had a favorite toilet - Disco on Mittens 2005

...genuinely - Spleen, probably lying

SCART?! Is this menu in Welsh?! - Disco looking at TV

I know someone who really has an onion for a head - Spleen

But Spongebob is actually sexy - Spleen

Cats aren't metal - Creed "quoting" Spleen

Hur hur, 'doody' - CJ laughing at Dave saying


Hur hur, eating out - Disco finding our dinner plans amusing

Triangle triangle urgh urgh fuck - CJ dying in GTA:SA

To Protect & Serve, my arse - CJ after getting run over by a police car in GTA:SA

Just SHUT UP - Dave to Spleen with Spleen in Bollocks Mode™

Well it's a festival, you know. I'll go there & the first thing I'll do is punch someone in the face - Disco

Yeah, but you're all fitness freaks - CJ on... some other people, not us, obviously

Don't put meat on me - Disco

I'd sacrifice a man, I'm not sacrificing a man with onions and an egg on him - Creed

I've got the 'F', someone else can write 'UCK ME' - Spleen

It's like a car crash - Creed on Disco's semi-naked body

Argh, that was actually my boss - AGA on seeing who Disco had exposed himself to on the street outside

You look like a fucking chav Nazi - Spleen, on AGA's disguise

Shut up! You're the worst criminal ever! - AGA, on Spleen's inability to not shout during a crime spree

CSI... Vice City - Spleen

Excuse me, sir, but what are you doing with our property? - Disco, regarding Annie

See? Page 3 girls have brains! - CJ

Who needs Carling when you've got a Yop? - CJ chooses milkshake over booze


My whole family is based around piss - Spleen

Oh look, my finger's on fire - AGA, cheerfully

Don't burn the quotefile - AGA


All blind people have radar... if they click - Spleen

She hasn't even got a face, she's got layers - Spleen on onion head.

Us ex rent-boys know how much money you can get for it - Disco on him and Creed